The News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) recently offered holiday party dos and don’ts from experts. They’re useful enough, and I heartily agree with the advice to start with an empty dishwasher. But they don’t cover all the possible things that can happen at a festive soiree. So, here are my personal tips, gleaned from at least 20 years of holiday party throwing. I can’t tell you exactly how long the hub and I have been holding our annual Cajun holiday fest because, well, we get a little fuzzy on dates after so many Abitas. But the following advice is rock solid.

– Don’t invite two women named Erin (with the same hair color), then agree on the day after the party to fix up a guest with the woman named Erin that he met at your house. You will, undoubtedly, pick the wrong Erin.

– If you invite guests to use the hot tub, make sure none of them arrive with scuba gear.

– Moravian beeswax candles + long wicks + decorated paper tablecloth = festive conflagration.

– Make your house easy for partygoers to find by placing some unusual object in the yard, such as a five-foot lighted flamingo with a Santa hat.

– Disconnect your VCR or DVD player, in case someone shows up with martial arts practice videos. Claim the machine broke last week.

Now, go forth and entertain!